Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
