I must be too annoying 4 u.
This is not my ceiling
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
