Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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