I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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