If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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