i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
