i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
