She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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