I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
