I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize