Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
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