captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
