I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
