my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
