I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize