I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
