All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
