Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
