im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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