new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
