Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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