I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
