the condom got lost in my hair
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Randomize
