please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
