your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
