we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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