I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
