she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
