We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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