Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
