Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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