I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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