you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
