You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
