so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He? As in you personified your dick?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
