Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
