Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We had sex on a dog bed..
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
