have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
