I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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