Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
