dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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