I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
