your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
