then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
it's like heaven, but drunker
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
