I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
