He told me they were just razor bumps!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
