we're blogging at a bar
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
