just survived the first fart of the relationship.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
