just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
