Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize