he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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