I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
