had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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