I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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