I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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