and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
