I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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