Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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