I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
