my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
