Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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