I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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