I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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