I'd wear matching sweaters with you
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
