Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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