dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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