I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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