I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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