Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just pee around me
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
