That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
