we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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