ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
ttyl tear gas
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
