I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
