why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
