Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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