I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
