I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
