I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
