I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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