Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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