I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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