Swine flu. Run for my life!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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