hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
