have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just gift wrapped bread.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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