the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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