took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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