stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
