Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
