there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
and you fell through a lawn chair
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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