The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
