Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You're like the curious george of whores
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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