When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
