i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize