did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
