Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
