i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Is it penis luge time yet?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
All the doctor said was why
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
