if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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