I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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