i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
