It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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