She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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