I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
