You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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