no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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