i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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