I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just found puke in my bra..
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
