and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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