so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
