I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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